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  Eventually the practice was over and the guys packed up their kit.

  ‘Time for a quick drink to see Paul and Mike?’ said Benjy to the rest of the band. They all nodded and muttered in agreement.

  ‘Hey, babe,’ said Benjy picking up his guitar case. ‘We’re going to head for a quick drink, if that’s ok?’

  Jessica nodded, that was fine by her; she needed a drink after those two hours. She followed the rest of the band out on to the street and tried to keep up with them as best she could in her crippling heels. She was almost beginning to trail behind, when they stopped in front of a bar at the corner of the block.

  ‘Right, let’s do it,’ said Benjy. He was holding the door open for Jessica, waiting for her to catch up. Jessica froze. It was the same bar she’d been in the night before; the last place she’d been where she had her normal life. It was definitely the right place. She looked at the heavy black doors and the chalk board outside with the curvy writing that declared they had ‘Manhattan’s best Buffalo Wings’. That had been what had sold it to Jessica initially. When Jake had cancelled on her the previous day she’d taken a stroll around the area looking for somewhere to eat and the call of buffalo wings was too much for her to resist.

  ‘Come on, we won’t bite,’ said Benjy, grabbing her hand and walking her down the steps into the basement bar.

  The bar was eerily the same. The same cute-arsed barman who had served her the night before stood unloading glasses behind the bar. And it was definitely the same smell of stale sweat and beer hanging in the air. The stage stood behind a small dance floor, which was where the band had played before the lead singer came and chatted to her at the bar. After a day of having no memories, the feeling of déjà vu she was experiencing was far from comforting.

  ‘I’m just going to chat to Mike about the gig on Saturday,’ said Benjy, pointing at a man stood in a doorway behind the bar.

  Jessica suddenly didn’t want to let go of Benjy. What if coming back to the bar would send her back to her normal single life? She’d only just found Benjy again; she wasn’t ready to give him up yet.

  Benjy laughed as he took his hand back. ‘I won’t be long,’ he said, before he disappeared off to see Mike, with the rest of the band following.

  ‘Hey Jess, two nights in a row – that’s a first.’

  Jessica turned round to face the cute bartender who was walking past her, carrying crates of bottles. So she had been there the night before after all. Why could she remember being here the night before but not as Benjy’s wife? It didn’t make sense.

  ‘You want another Jack and Coke?’

  Jessica shuddered: she hadn’t drunk that in years.

  ‘I’ll just have a Miller Lite.’

  The barmen pulled a surprised face before filling her up a glass of beer and placing it on the bar in front of her. She looked round for her wallet.

  ‘No, no, it’s on the house. Your husband spends enough in this bar to give you the odd freebie.’

  Jessica didn’t know if that sounded like a good thing, but at that moment she needed the drink more than she needed to know about her husband’s drinking habits.

  ‘So how was your hangover this morning, then? You were pretty wasted when you left here last night.’

  ‘Pretty bad,’ said Jessica honestly. She sat down on a bar stool and took a sip of her beer.

  ‘I’m not surprised. You were pounding those Jack and Cokes, and then the tequilas with Tom,’ he said, laughing. ‘But I’m glad to see you and Benjy patched things up. I haven’t seen you that mad in a long time.’

  Jessica had been fighting with Benjy? Why would they be fighting? Over the years Jessica had always imagined if she and Benjy had stayed together they would have had this magically perfect relationship, which certainly didn’t include any fighting.

  Jessica turned her attention to the red head, who was also sat at the bar. Jessica couldn’t work her out as she’d been tactile with all the band members and she got the impression she wasn’t a girlfriend after all.

  ‘So... Do you come and watch them a lot?’ asked Jessica.

  The woman glared at her like there was something wrong with her.

  ‘Yeah, I do. Maybe if you came to support your husband more, you’d know that.’

  Ouch, thought Jessica. ‘Right.’

  ‘We have met you know. At a gig last year, in Miami.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I have a bad memory for faces,’ said Jessica, lying. There’s no way she’d have met her and forgotten about it.

  ‘Well, I don’t think you were in too good a mood after the Rachel incident, so I’m sure you could be forgiven.’

  Jessica tried not to show any reaction to whatever the Rachel incident might have been, as a small smile had crept across the face of the other woman. It told Jessica that the Rachel incident had not been a happy time in the world of Jessica and Benjy.

  Before Jessica could reply, she noticed Benjy walking up. ‘Right, we’ve got that sorted with Mike. So shall I get another drink? You wanna hang out with Tom and Rich for a bit?’

  ‘Nah, I think we should just head home. We could finish off from earlier on.’

  Benjy’s smile lit up his face. He looked like all his Christmas’s had come at once. He kissed Jessica firmly on the lips. ‘I’ll just go let the guys know,’ he said walking off.

  The smile that had been on the red head’s lips had been replaced again by her pout. She leaned back to the bar and called for Paul the barman to get her another Vod.

  Jessica wanted to know just who she was and what she was doing with the band? And she wanted to know who and what the Rachel incident had been. An early night and a little bit of special loving with Benjy might just loosen him up enough to tell her what she needed to know.

  Chapter 12 – Jess Burns

  Jess woke up with a jolt, to a ringing noise. She sat bolt up right and located the source of the noise. She picked up the phone for an automated voice to tell her it was her 6am wake up call. 6am. She groaned.

  She looked round and slowly took in that she was still at The Grover; her heart sank. She’d been so sure that she’d wake up back in her own life, but instead she’d woken up again in the nightmare. She was starting to come to terms with the fact that actually this was her life. She’d got her wakeup call and now she’d actually have to go into the office.

  She stood in the shower, letting the water just wash over her. It had been one thing to go through the farce of pretending to be an investment banker for a day, but what if this was actually her life? What if she wasn’t married to Benjy? Sure they’d had their ups and downs, what marriage hadn’t, but she couldn’t honestly imagine her life without him. Tears started trickling down her face and before long she was sobbing.

  It was ironic that she’d spent the last year wondering if she’d made the wrong choice by marrying Benjy, and now, faced with possibility she hadn’t made that choice, she was inconsolable.

  She sat on the edge of the bath crying until she was shivering from the cold. She immersed herself in the shower again, trying to warm up and hoping to wash away any sign that she’d been crying.

  She finally got out of the shower, wrapping herself in the giant bath sheet and dressing gown. Walking into to the bedroom, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her skin was wrinkled like a prune and her eyes looked like they belonged to a panda. She wondered if any amount of time would be long enough to allow her to transform herself into a normal looking state.

  She had just twenty minutes before Jake picked her up. He had insisted on picking her up, as he was convinced she wouldn’t remember her way back to the office. Jess thought it was a fair assumption; she’d not paid any attention to where LMG Global had been located.

  She rummaged through the wardrobe and picked out a pair of tailored trousers, blouse and she pulled out a cashmere cardigan to take as the air conditioning in the office was quite severe. She brushed her long, knotty hair and blow-dried it as best she could. She just about ma
naged to put on some moisturiser and lip gloss before the phone rang to tell her of Jake’s arrival.

  Jess hurried down the stairs. After her late appearance the night before for dinner she didn’t want to keep him waiting.

  ‘Hey,’ said Jess, walking across the lobby.

  ‘Hey. You ok?’

  Jake was giving her another concerned look.

  ‘Yeah, just a bit of a difficult start to this morning that’s all.’

  ‘Right. So still think you’re a teacher?’

  Jess nodded.

  ‘Right. Well, we should get to work.’

  Jess took that to mean that she had to forget about any thoughts of her old life, as Jake wasn’t interested in them anymore. She couldn’t blame him, she was grateful he’d humoured her for a day.

  Jess sat looking at her laptop. Jake had told her that she’d be doing her own work today, which had equated to her sitting at the screen staring at it. For the last two hours she’d sat willing herself to suddenly know what it was she was supposed to do.

  Jake had given her a copy of the Wall Street Journal, as if that would mean anything to her. Jess had been watching Jake rapidly scanning through it, so she’d leafed through it, not sure what she was looking for. She tried to look out for Chinese companies or energy companies like she imagined she should, but nothing leapt out at her.

  She instead decided that her time would be best spent tracking down Benjy. He, after all, might be able to help her with whatever was going on.

  She’d Googled him, and nothing had come up for ‘Benjy Burns.’ The ‘Ben Burns’ attempt had multiple profiles on LinkedIn and a few web hits but nothing to lead her to her Benjy. Undeterred, she decided to try Facebook. Logging in she was relieved that at least her password was the same. She shouldn’t have been that surprised: it was the only password she’d used since the birth of the internet.

  She scanned her page and her wall. The posts and the pictures looked alien. She didn’t recognise most of the people posting or commenting; she didn’t recognise the bars and places in the photos; she didn’t recognise the life she had, full stop.

  She clicked on the ‘search tab’ and typed in Benjy Burns. There were a couple of entries, but neither were her Benjy. She tried again with Ben Burns, and there, half way down the page was her Benjy, only smarter than normal. Gone was his tousled, playful hair, and in its place was a smooth cut.

  She clicked on him, and saw that his hometown was listed as Washington D.C. But without him being her friend that was all she could see.

  She clicked on the ‘add friend’ button, and then hesitated at the add message section. What was she going to write? She starting typing

  Hi Benjy, it’s your wife here, or at least I’m married to you in my version of reality. We have an apartment on Bond Street and you’re a wannabe rock star.

  She settled in the end for a less stalker like message.

  Hey Benjy – remember me?

  She was convinced that even in this reality they would have to have met, surely? She pressed send and then instantly felt sick. She was counting on him to fill in the blanks, but what if he had no recollection of her? She didn’t think she’d be able to cope with that.

  She spent the rest of the afternoon pretending she was analysing spreadsheets, when all she was doing was reordering the columns to make herself look busy. She finally got an email back from Benjy at 3.30pm.

  Hey Jess!

  Wow, great to hear from you. I often think of you.

  That’s it? thought Jess. No I’ve been wondering where my wife has been for the last two days, or you should be in Washington with me. Just I often think of you.

  She clicked on to his profile which had now been unlocked. She took in the details of his profile picture. He looked like her husband only he’d been tidied up around the edges. She clicked on the rest of his photos and she felt sick. There were pictures of him with another woman: a lot of them. There were pictures of just the two of them together; with friends at parties; with Benjy’s family. It was like living her worst nightmare.

  The odd thing was that there were no pictures of him in his band. His band that Jess often thought meant more to him than she did.

  She couldn’t bear to torture herself anymore. Taking a deep breath she picked up the phone and dialled the number on his profile page.

  She was nervous as she waited for him to pick up the phone. It was ridiculous. This was a man she phoned three or four times a day usually; the man that she peed in front of. And here she was scared out of her skin to speak to him.

  ‘Hello,’ said Benjy.

  Jess’ heart melted. Since this whole nightmare had begun all she’d wanted to hear was Benjy’s voice. She wanted him to tell her that she wasn’t mad and that everything was going to be ok.

  ‘Um... Hey, Benjy, it’s Jess.’

  What if he didn’t know who she was? Panic washed over her.

  ‘Jess Bur, Jess Anderson,’ she said, pleased that she’d corrected herself so quickly. She clearly wasn’t Mrs Burns.

  ‘Jess, oh my god. Two blasts from the past in one day, huh? I haven’t been called Benjy in a long time. How are you?’

  ‘I’m ok, thanks,’ she said lying and trying to keep herself calm. She desperately wanted to tell him the truth.

  ‘I just can’t believe I’m speaking to you. I mean, seven years is a long time.’

  Seven years! It winded Jess momentarily.

  ‘Has it been that long?’ said Jess, in almost a whisper.

  ‘Yeah, I was thinking about it after your friend request. It was just after college, so yeah, seven years ago. Ah how things have changed. Ha, remember then I wanted to be some famous rock star, and for us to backpack around the world?’

  Jess nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see her. She didn’t want to tell him that he’d lived those dreams.

  ‘Well, so what are you up to these days? Are you still working for that investment bank?’

  ‘I guess so. I’m at LMG Global, I’m a fund manager in their renewable energies sector in London.’ Jess read it from her business card in front of her.

  ‘Wow, so it was a good decision to take the job then. I’m really happy things worked out for you, Jess.’

  Jess wanted to scream that they hadn’t worked out and that she should be with him and married.

  ‘What are you doing then?’ said Jess. She didn’t know if she was ready to hear about his other life.

  ‘Well, I went into the good old family trade of insurance, and I’m now a consultant with Bernard and Oldman in D.C. I got married a few years ago to Kacey, and I’m very much a suburbanite. A million miles away from where I was when I met you.’

  Jess wanted to add, a million miles away from where he should be, too.

  ‘That sounds great. You sound happy,’ said Jess.

  ‘Well... I’m as happy as you can be in suburbia. What about you Jess, you married?’

  ‘No. Still single,’ she said looking at her empty ring finger.

  ‘Well, you know, I come to London a couple of times a year. Maybe, you know, we could hook up like old times?’

  ‘What about your wife?’ asked Jess, in shock.

  ‘Well, you know, I’d be in a different city, or hell, different country – it wouldn’t really count.’

  ‘Huh, I don’t think she’d see it that way.’

  ‘Well, she doesn’t have to know now, does she?’

  Jess recognised that tone; that was the tone that usually saw Jess’ knickers coming off.

  Jess’ head felt light, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  ‘Um, right, well I’ve gotta go, my other phone is ringing,’ said Jess, lying. She had no intention of carrying on this conversation.

  ‘Ok, well we’re Facebook friends now, so you know we can keep in touch.’

  ‘Yeah, great,’ said Jess. She hung up the phone without saying goodbye. What an asshole, she thought. She wondered if that was what he’d be like with his ex’s fro
m before they were married, and of course, Rachel. She shuddered. She didn’t want to think about that.

  She thought about what he’d said; that they hadn’t spoken in seven years. Seven years was a ridiculously long time. She thought back to seven years ago. That was when they’d got married. He’d known about her job at LMG so it had to be the end of the summer.

  That summer they’d spent the most magical time living in the village, travelling out to his parents’ house in the Hamptons on the weekend. It was like living a fairytale. When the time had come to fly home for the interview, she hadn’t gone. She’d broken down in tears in front of Benjy and he’d proposed. She’d only flown back briefly to the UK to pack up her things and to sort out the paperwork. She went back to the US on a K-2 visa as his fiancée, and they had married six weeks later.

  It was one of the happiest times of her life, and also one of the saddest. It was when her relationship with her parents had deteriorated. They couldn’t understand how she could give up an amazing opportunity with LMG for a ‘loser in a band’ as they called him. Ironically they’d probably have loved the new Benjy, or Ben as he was now known.

  She picked up the phone and dialled another number.

  ‘Hello, 345665.’

  ‘Hi, Mum, it’s me.’

  ‘Jess pet, lovely to hear from you. How are you getting on? Has the conference started yet?’

  ‘Starts with pre-conference drinks tonight.’

  ‘Oh, good luck. Have you got your presentation all worked out?’

  ‘Yeah, its coming together. Look I was just phoning quickly to say I love you. You know, I love you and Dad.’

  ‘Ah, Jess pet, we love you, too. Is everything alright?’