Universally Challenged Read online

  Chapter 4- Jess Burns

  Jess’ first instinct was flight. She desperately wanted to run away from whoever this Jake Harrington was. He was standing in front of her, blocking her path. Unless she shuffled back through the revolving doors or barged him out of the way she had nowhere to go. And she didn’t really feel like barricading herself in the hotel room.

  ‘I bought you a coffee,’ said Jake. He handed it to her, but she didn’t take it. He laughed and motioned it towards her. Jess reluctantly took it and continued to stare at Jake. He didn’t look like an axe murderer or a slimy lawyer. In fact, he looked cute. Her cheeks flushed and she remembered she didn’t have her wedding ring on. Her naked ring finger instantly made her feel guilty she was finding another man attractive.

  ‘It’s got a double espresso in there,’ said Jake, pointing to the cup. ‘I thought you might need it to get over the cabin fever, but seems like you did alright.’

  Jess didn’t know what the man was talking about, cabin fever? She hadn’t been on a plane since Christmas, and that was only to Miami: same time zone, definitely no jet lag.

  ‘Anyway, I’m so sorry about last night. Shall we walk and talk?’

  Jess nodded and followed him obediently. She had decided she was only going to walk with him as far as the end of the block. By which point she’d have explained to him that there had been some kind of mix up.

  ‘Look I can’t remember anything from last night,’ said Jess. She sipped the piping hot coffee and it felt like the best thing she’d ever tasted. It didn’t matter that it was almost scalding her tongue, she just needed liquid, any liquid.

  ‘Oh, like that is it? No wonder you’re quiet. Geez you Brits: work hard, play hard, huh?’

  ‘No, it wasn’t like that, I mean I’m not working at the moment, it’s the holidays.’

  ‘Now Jessica, just because you’re in a different city, doesn’t mean to say we’ll not be putting you to work. There are definitely no holidays this week.’

  Jess realised that without noticing it, they’d turned the corner and they were now walking downtown.

  ‘I don’t want a divorce. Whatever I may have said to you last night, when I arranged this meeting, I didn’t mean it.’

  Jake stopped walking. ‘Jessica, what on earth are you talking about? Is this some kind of Brit humour that I’m just not getting?’

  He started walking again and Jess couldn’t help but follow him.

  ‘Look, we’ve got to get to the office ASAP, so we’re going to have to pick up the pace.’

  ‘I don’t want to go to any office. My apartment’s here in the East Village,’ said Jess, pointing. ‘I’m going that way.’

  ‘Apartment? Why have you got an apartment in New York?’

  ‘Um, because I live here.’ Jess sighed, just because she had a British accent people always assumed she was a tourist.

  ‘But you work in the London office.’

  ‘Um, no, I don’t.’

  ‘Yes, yes, you do.’

  ‘No, no, I don’t.’ Jess rolled her eyes. ‘I’m an elementary school teacher, out in Brooklyn. I teach 2nd grade.’

  Jake was screwing up his face at her in disbelief, which made Jess get even angrier.

  ‘Just how much did you have to drink last night? Did you hit your head?’

  ‘Of course I didn’t.’

  ‘Right, well you work for LMG Global. You’re a fund manager, and you head up a department in London. You’re not an elementary school teacher and you don’t have an apartment in the city,’ he said slowly. It was like he was talking to an elderly relative.

  Jess felt like she had been winded. LMG Global. She hadn’t heard those words in a very long time. She shook her head. Why did she even care what this stranger thought? She just needed to apologise to him and get going. She wanted to go home, take some Advil and get tucked back into her cosy bed for a few hours of sleep.

  ‘Jessica, I don’t know what happened to you last night, or whether you’ve got cabin fever and you’re all confused. Maybe you’re on London time. Whatever it is, you’ve gotta bring your A game. You’re over here for the Housemen and Henshaw conference, you’re a keynote speaker. We’re counting on you to represent the company and secure the bank firmly in the market of Chinese utility investments. None of us have done the research like you have. Which is why you’re here.

  ‘I’m going to be in enough shit already that you’re not going to be fully up to speed with the developments our end because of the little emergency I was called to last night. I can’t go in there with you in this state thinking you teach little people. Whatever is going on, please, for the love of god, snap out of it.’

  Jess looked at him in horror. Who the hell did he think he was? And why was he giving her a pep talk? She turned round and started speed walking in the other direction. He was the crazy person, that’s who he was. She needed to get home and talk to Benjy. Then all of this little misunderstanding would be resolved.

  ‘Jessica. Jessica,’ shouted Jake. He picked up his pace after her, which in turn made Jess start to run. The quicker she ran, the quicker he ran to catch up with her, until he grabbed her by the arm.

  ‘Don’t touch me! I’ll scream,’ said Jess. She was suddenly in a panic that he was a psycho after all.

  ‘Ok, I won’t touch you,’ he said, holding his hands up. ‘Look, I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to help you. Look.’

  He opened the satchel case he had over his right shoulder and pulled out a folder. He opened it and pulled a neatly stapled wad of papers out, handing them to Jess.

  On the front was the LMG Global Logo with a picture of herself on the front. Only it wasn’t really her; it looked like it had been Photoshopped. Her hair was poker straight, cut so it fell to her shoulders, and she was wearing a suit that she didn’t recognise. Underneath was the name Jessica Anderson.

  ‘But that’s my maiden name.’

  ‘You’re married?’

  ‘Yes, I’m Jess Burns now.’ Jess wasn’t so much telling Jake, she was more talking out loud. She started to read the blurb below the picture.

  Jessica Anderson, Fund Manager, Renewable Energies

  Jessica joined LMG Global (London) on the rising star graduate scheme in 2005, after graduating with a first in International Relations and International History from the London School of Economics. She has since completed her Corporate Finance Qualification. For the last two years she has been fund manager of the newly created renewable energies division looking at investments in the developing industries, especially in emerging markets.

  Underneath was a list of several investments that she’d apparently negotiated recently, as well as links to news releases from the company on the apparent deals. There were also notes of research papers she’d delivered at conferences and had published in professional journals, all with titles that made no sense to Jess.

  Jess read the paper over and over again. She had got a first in international relations and history from LSE. Her mother reminded her of that at every available opportunity, which was why she barely went or phoned home. And she had applied for the rising star graduate scheme. It had been around the March before her finals. She’d applied for a number of graduate schemes that her tutor had recommended. Most of which were in sectors she didn’t have a clue about, but she’d applied to them anyway in a bid to get her life sorted and to stop her thinking about Benjy.

  Only she hadn’t attended the LMG Global interview. She had got on a plane after her finals and spent the summer living in Manhattan with Benjy and spending the weekends on the Jitney to the Hamptons’ house that his parents owned. She’d never wanted to go back to her life in the UK after that.

  Meaning she’d missed the interview, and missed her place on the scheme. But she hadn’t cared as that autumn she’d popped home to sort out her immigration papers and flown back out to New York and married Benjy. She’d never given LMG another thought. She had never actually imagined she would have made it past
the interview, anyway.

  Whatever this piece of paper was, it was some sort of joke, and a sick joke at that. Jess wondered if her parents had paid Jake to show her the life she could have had if she hadn’t married the spoilt little rich kid who wasted his life in a dead-end band, to paraphrase her mother’s words. And it did say Jessica Anderson, they were the only people that called her that.

  She looked around, wondering if her mum was going to jump out and yell surprise. Or maybe she was being Punk’d. She looked round to see if there was a suspicious-looking van that Ashton Kuthcer could leap out of. But there wasn’t, and she wasn’t even famous. Having a husband who had once performed on a small stage at the Reading Festival (largely thanks to one of Jess’ university contacts) didn’t quite mean she had famous links, either.

  But there had to be other shows that would do practical jokes on non-celebrities, like Punk’d. She remembered watching Beadle’s About as a child. Maybe they were bringing it back.

  ‘What is this?’ said Jess, waving the wad of paper around. Despite her recent coffee her mouth was dry, making it difficult to speak.

  ‘It’s your entry in the company directory. I printed it off to make sure I had done my research in advance. It’s an impressive list of investments.’

  Jess nodded. It was an impressive list; it was just a shame that she couldn’t take the credit for any of them.

  ‘I wish my link in the directory read as impressively. Although, I’m hoping after this investment in SinoDam, that I’ll start getting noticed in our office,’ said Jake.

  ‘This isn’t true. Well, most of it’s not true. Apart from the degree: after that none of this happened to me. I didn’t go to the LMG Global interview.

  ‘Look if this is some crappy show, let the host jump out. I’m ready. Or if my mum or Benjy put you up to it, then get them to come out. COME OUT NOW,’ shouted Jess.

  A few passersby hurried passed, looking down at the floor, not wishing to make eye contact with Jess, who was acting like an unhinged person. The hot dog vendor on the corner of the street tried to wheel his cart a few metres away: just in case Jess suddenly lashed out in violence.

  ‘Jessica, calm down. This isn’t a joke, this is your actual life.’

  Jess studied Jake’s face: he looked concerned. He was either a bloody good actor or he was telling the truth.

  Jess couldn’t take it all in. She looked round for somewhere to sit and settled on the edge of the kerb.

  ‘I just don’t get it. If you’ve haven’t been put up to it, then what’s going on? I’m not Jessica Anderson, I haven’t been since I got married seven years ago. I don’t work for LMG Global.’

  Jake sat down next to her. ‘Look, whatever it is, a bump on the head, or cabin fever, I’m sure you’ll soon remember. Why don’t we just go down to the office? Once we start with your presentation and we go over the numbers for the deal, I’m sure it will come flooding back. You’ve been emailing me for ages about investing in SinoDam. You flew to the Shanghai Expo, remember that? You emailed me from there?’

  Jess could tell that Jake was scanning her face for recognition of the words that he was saying. But, she had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

  ‘Look, I’m going to clear this up once and for all.’ She stood up and looked at the street sign. She was only five blocks from her apartment. She’d usually walk such a short distance, but today there was no time to waste: she had to get to there fast. She stuck her hand out and flagged down a cab. ‘I’m going to go to my apartment, and I’m going to get my husband to tell you that you’re wrong.’

  A yellow taxicab pulled up in front of her on the street. She opened the door, but before she could get in Jake put out his hand and blocked her.

  ‘We don’t have time for this, Jessica. We’ve got to get to the office.’

  ‘It will only take us five minutes to get there. I’ll prove this is some horrible mistake and you can take the cab to your office. We will both be able to go back to our own little lives. Five minutes Jake: that’s all I’m asking for.’

  Jake let go of his grip and allowed Jess to get in the cab. He followed so fast after her, that he almost sat on her. He must have been worried that she was going to ditch him.

  ‘412 Bond Street: between Lafayette and Bowery please,’ said Jess firmly. She felt like by giving her street address to the cabbie she was confirming her identity. She gave Jake a smug look then turned her attention back to the window. In a few minutes this misunderstanding would be cleared up and she’d be crawling back to bed to nurse her raging hangover.

  Chapter 5 – Jessica Anderson

  Jessica couldn’t believe how long it had taken her to find a pay phone. She knew it wasn’t 1990 anymore, and that everyone had mobile phones, but surely there should be some purely for emergencies. She scratched the access code off the back of her calling card to reveal the pin and punched in the numbers as directed in the automated instructions.

  ‘Good morning, Miss Haye’s office.’

  ‘Sasha! Thank goodness, it’s me,’ said Jessica hurriedly.

  ‘Ok... Who is me?’

  ‘Me, Jessica.’ There was silence on the end of the phone. ‘Jessica Anderson.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Ms Anderson, but should I know what your call is regarding?’

  Jessica was too cross at Sasha to admire her coolness and professional nature on the phone. Her patience was enviable in an office where everyone else barked at each other: both on and off the phone.

  ‘Of course you should! You’re my assistant.’

  ‘Right. I’m actually Patricia Haye’s assistant, so if you don’t want to speak to her, I’ll have to end this call.’

  ‘Ok, put me on the phone to Mr Parker-Thomas.’

  ‘Mr Parker-Thomas is a very busy man...’

  ‘Just put him on the phone,’ said Jessica, interrupting Sasha’s pre-rehearsed gate-keeping spiel.

  ‘And what should I say it is regarding, Ms Anderson?’

  ‘It’s Miss Anderson, and he will know what it is damn well regarding.’

  Jessica flinched as Sasha was replaced by a tinny version of Greensleeves. On the few occasions in the last seven years that she’d phoned in sick, she’d always spent the rest of the day haunted by the awful hold music. She was sure they did it on purpose.

  She looked at her watch; it was now after midday. She was wasting proper planning time. It was less than twenty-four hours until the conference opened in New York, and less than seventy-two hours until she delivered her speech. She knew her presentation was sound, but she wanted to run through it with the New York office. Jake had mentioned he had some findings that could enhance it.

  ‘Hello?’

  Jessica’s heart sank when she heard Sasha’s voice back on the end of the phone. Not even her boss would speak to her.

  ‘I’m afraid Mr Parker-Thomas is in a meeting. Would you like to leave a message?’

  ‘He’s not in a meeting, is he? He won’t take my call,’ said Jessica snidely.

  ‘I’m sorry, Miss Anderson. Mr Parker-Thomas does not take unsolicited calls from unknown persons.’

  ‘But I’ve worked for LMG Global for seven years. I’ve worked for him for five and I’ve been your boss for two.’

  Jessica heard the dial tone ring through her ears. Thoughts started racing through her mind. Why did no one know who she was? Had she been sacked and they didn’t want to tell her? She scrunched her eyes closed, as if willing her brain to work harder to figure out what was going on. She banged her head gently with the telephone receiver, but that didn’t knock any sense into her, either.

  This was her worst nightmare: she was miles away from home and she had no idea what was going on.

  ‘If you would like to place another call using One Planet Talk Time please redial now. Your available credit is... eight dollars and five cents.’

  Jessica listened to the automated message. She didn’t know who else to turn to. She punched the number she knew off b
y heart into the phone and hoped that they were in.

  ‘Hello, 345665.’

  Jessica was so relieved to hear her mother’s voice at the other end of the phone, even if it was her posh telephone voice.

  ‘Mum? It’s me, Jessica.’

  ‘Ah, Jessica pet,’ said her mother, relaxing into her mildly Northern accent. There was something comforting about the way she switched when she realised she was speaking to one of her daughters. But today the northern tones were more comforting than ever. On a day when she didn’t seem to know who she was, her mum still knew.

  ‘So how are you?’ asked her mum. There was a hint of frostiness in her voice.

  ‘Well, the trip isn’t going as planned. The office don’t know who I am and Patricia Haye is speaking at the conference, and the hotel haven’t heard of me and–’

  ‘Slow down, Jessica. What an earth are you talking about?’

  ‘I woke up this morning, and I wasn’t in my room and–’

  ‘Oh, I see. Right, Jessica, I thought you’d got the drinking under control. Big night, was it?’

  ‘Well yes, but that hasn’t got anything to do with it.’

  ‘Oh, doesn’t it?’ Her mother practically spluttered down the phone.

  Jessica held the phone away from her ear, as if she thought the splutter would appear out of her end of the phone.

  ‘Well, I’m sorry, Jessica but I don’t have time to hear about another one of your big nights out on drink, or drugs, or whatever you’re into. I’ve got a WI meeting to go to. I suggest you get Benjamin to help you out with your problems and I’ll phone you when you’re in a better state.’

  ‘Benjamin? Whose Benjamin? And how are you going to phone me, you don’t have my number?’

  ‘Right, that’s great: change your number and don’t tell your own mother. Good one, Jessica. I don’t speak to you in weeks and then you call and tell us you’ve changed your number. What if they’d been an emergency? You call us then, but make sure it’s later on when your father is in. He has more patience with you when you are in this kind of a state.’